Election Day Advice from a Batshit Insane Douchebag

by justoffal 11/04/2008, 4:21 AM

The standard method for overturning cars is dangerous and could cause back injury. I recommend instead a slight modification of the store bought hydraulic car jack. A twenty ton porta-power, fairly compact and not too heavy combined with an interlocking set of metal jaws made of 3/4 inch bar stock. Positioning the porta-power between the two bars once they have been hinged together, close to the union, we simply slide the the whole arrangement under one side of the automobile in question. With a stock length of five feet or so...the car should flip with minimal effort.

For protest fires it takes only a minimal amount of pure sodium, easily obtainable at your local chemical vendor and a mixture of Ammonia and water..just sit back and watch the fun!

If store windows are your fancy I recommend a good Halloween costume together with a well planned route of egress. Remember this is the age of surveillance so anything that identifies you up to and including a license plate is a liability.

Finally, for those effigy nuts who just have the need to do harm to straw dummies...try to set up the rope and noose so that you can let it go remotely. It's not that hard really, there are a number of timed devices that can create that effect some battery operated, some spring loaded. When you make the purchase do it with cash and have a pair of gloves on...the New Civilian Police force will have state of the art finger printing procedures and will hunt you down tirelessly unless you are very meticulous in your preparation.